And so it begins...

I've thought for several months now, the world would be a better place if I started a blog....so here it is.  I've used FaceBook as an outlet for the varying antics of my three kids, Gunner/Helmer House quotes of the day, and public rants to my husband about how he left me with his spawn (this is how the Spawn of Helmer moniker was born) while he took a 12 month all-expenses paid vacation to Afghanistan courtesey of the world's worst travel agent, the US Army. But it's time to branch out...and it has nothing to do with the fact that the new 'timeline' format has confused the shit out of me.

So here you are, reading my blog...guess I should throw out some disclaimers. 

• Do I cuss? Abso-flipping-lutely. 
• Do I think, say, and typically type inappropriate things?  Yep. Yep. Yep.  I have a dry sense of humor that sometimes only my mother can understand. My father says we are twisted.  
• Do I complain about my children? Yeppers again. 
• Don't take my ranting about my children, or my references to them as 'the Spawn' as a sign that I am an ungrateful parent.  It's therapeutic. I should know. ;)  Oh yeah, piece of info #134, I'm a licensed master level psychologist in the state of Kansas. 
• Does that mean I will offer you therapeutic advice through my blog? Hell no. 
• Does that mean that I am perfect in my real life? Of course it does. Refer to disclaimer above "Do I think, say, and typically type inappropriate things".
• And here's a good one....will I ever discuss, refer to, or complain about/make fun of a patient.  Nope. Never. Not gonna happen. 
• And I'll say again. Nope.  If you want some therapeutic discussions, go find Dr. Phil.
•  Could consistent reading of my blog leave you thinking, this bitch is crazy!  Possibly. I have a little ADD going on, on top of three kids and an absent husband.  My posts could be all over the place. Let me add right now...I'm not bipolar. or schizophrenic. or borderline.  I'm a spouse of a deployed servicemember.  Same symptoms, different names. And no good meds.

So here's some about me that hasn't already been explained above, or maybe it has. I live in Oklahoma on an Air Force Base.  I'm sure living on an Air Force Base is excellent, for Air Force people.  I had a lady on base tell me she was sorry when I told her we were Army.  Seriously.  I'll just let that one go for now. I'm "in my thirties" and yes it hurt to say that.  What gets me through is my husband and brother will always be older than me (they are both almost 40...ha!). I commute to Kansas to work.  Yes I'm aware it's a long drive. My husband is deployed. We are in our 10th month of the 12 month deployment. This is our third overseas deployment, we also have three kids.  Coincidence? My husband says so; he denies volunteering--I'm not so sure.  Everytime a new spawn is conceived the 45th gets deployed.  I say it's time for a vasectomy...if not for me, do it for your country (I bet he's rolling his eyes right now. I love you!). And speaking of the kids, there's Skylar who's 9. The infamous Gunner who's 4.  And the beautiful Baby Ava, who's 1 and the only girl. She is spoiled freaking rotten and can hold her own as much as the 4 y/o.  Skylar is quite possibly the most normal of the brood. Which is scary.  And there's the dog, Bo who does his best to stay out of all the craziness.  I have hobbies.  Like Facebook. And the newly found Pinterest. I am in LOVE with pinterest. An online place where I can plan a wedding that's never going to happen, decorate the nursery of future babies that will never happen, and pin recipes I don't have a shot in hell at making b/c I suck at cooking but pinning them will make people think I am THAT good in the kitchen, is alright by me!  I like to play around with digital scrapbooking. And in the last few months I have developed a love of wine. Mostly because it's more socially acceptable for a woman home alone with three kids to have a glass of wine than a glass of vodka, or moonshine. And on that note I'll end my first ever blog. And now the world is a better place.