You should never EVER say this to a deployed spouse....

Sometimes things in life deserve to be RED. This is one of them. I'm going to offer some sage advice here....and if you choose not to follow it, well that's our own damn fault! If you make this mistake and end up with part of your ass missing, I will giggle at you and say those horrible words "I TOLD YOU!"  

I had a text conversation with a friend today, and fellow 45th wife, which brought back memories of a conversation I once had with a woman who's English was about as good as my Swahili.  I had called AT&T about their wonderful *cough cough* internet service and ended up on the phone with a lady claiming to have some typical American name, like Sally or something, who definitely was not.  After going round and round and telling her, "I don't know what you are saying!!" I finally understood my internet was not going to be fixed for several days. I tried to explain to her that was not going to be acceptable and she kept chanting the same response, probably read off of her computer screen, to me....she is sorry for any inconvenience. she is sorry for any inconvenience. (I think anyway, refer back to my earlier comment about her English being as good as my Swahili).  This was all after being on hold for about 30 minutes total, and dealing with the three spawn of Helmer. My mood was freaking awesome!  I point all this out as a way to excuse my upcoming behavior...  I started to explain to her that my husband was deployed, and I knew she could hear that I had "multiple children" as they wouldn't shut up for 2 minutes so I could try to talk to her, and finally that the computer was the only communication I had with him, so they needed to get it fixed right now b/c it was their issue and not mine.  Then she said it. Those words that you never EVER (seriously, E.V.E.R.) say to a spouse of a deployed soldier (or airman, Seaman, Marine, or whomever else I forgot).  Here it is......"I understand".  Oh hell no, she didn't!  That seriously ran through my mind, and quite possibly out my mouth.  The next couple minutes is a blur. I remember yelling at her in a way that made the two male spawn stop and stare, and saying the words "no you don't fucking understand" and "do you have a husband in a war zone" and something to the effect of "do you even have a husband at all?!"  There was more.   A lot more.  And I'm pretty sure she was in tears when I was done with her.  I did thank her for helping me though before I slammed the phone down on her.  Well, that's kindof a lie. What I actually said was something like, thank you for wasting my time and cutting off my communication with my husband.  I'm probably blacklisted now.  But, I am pretty sure if that lady has half a brain, she will never say "I understand" again.  It took me a while to calm down from that. The boys were super quiet after that rant to the poor lady on the phone, and neither of them chose to repeat the words that streamed from my mouth. Smart boys! 

Which brings me to my friend's conversation, which oddly enough was also with an AT&T company (ha!).  She was informed that the person she was talking to "understood". Hopefully that man took all that 'understanding' and applied it to the earful he got, and in turn applied that lesson to the rest of his life. 

Moral of the story. Never tell someone else you "understand" b/c you don't. Everyone's experiences are different.  If you have not ever been married to the military...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Don't tell a spouse of a deployed soldier that you understand what they are going through. Or criticize them for the way they are handling it (unless they are screwing around and cheating on their soldier, then criticize away!).  And if you are a spouse of a deployed soldier DO NOT tell a mom of a deployed soldier that you 'understand' what they are going through, especially if it's your mother-in-law b/c that probably isn't going to turn out good for you...and vice versa there moms.

Now that I've advised what not to say, perhaps I'll be helpful and give alternative responses:

• I imagine that would be hard
• I bet that is difficult
• I don't understand what you are going through, but would like to help you
• You are a strong person, let's discuss some options
• God Bless You (careful, this could go either way. and you always run the risk of being sued for "pushing" your religion on someone)
• I admire your courage

And if all else fails:

• You're pretty. 
• Have you lost weight?
• You look so young! Are you sure you're old enough to be married?

Now that I have continued to make the world a better place with yet another post, I will leave with one other tidbit of info....turned out the problem I had with the internet I discussed above and ripped that lady a new bunghole about, was on my end.  Yep. My router was dead. I just had to unplug the big yellow cable out of the router and plug it straight into my modem.  I thought about calling and apologizing for yelling at her, but that thought passed pretty quick.